你不是一個人
有沒有一些晚上，你會突然覺得自己很孤獨？
中國雪松其實不是雪松。它的正名是柏木，學名 Cupressus funebris，funebris 在拉丁文裡的意思是「屬於葬禮的」。因為木材耐得住潮氣和蟲蛀，還帶一股香氣，中國南方的人幾百年來用它建屋、造器具，也把它種在廟前，種在墓園旁邊。枝條細長扁平，一排一排向下垂墜，英文於是叫它 weeping cypress。
一棵樹被種在那些地方，等於答應了一件事：要留在人最說不出話的時候。
它沒有辦法安慰誰，只是靜靜佇立在身邊。
它的氣味也是這個樣子，帶一點舊木櫃的氣息，底下有一絲絲煙感，再透出一陣很淡的甜。它很靜，要你自己慢下來，才聞得到它一直在。
我們記得住的，通常都是會出聲、會表現的人與事。至於那些甚麼都沒說的，往往要很久之後才記得。回頭想想，這些年一直在你旁邊、陪你走過低潮的，可能就是那個從來沒有多出聲，始終沒有離開的人。
孤獨的晚上，我們想找的其實不一定是一個懂自己的人，只是想確認還有人在。
中國雪松就是這樣待著的一種香氣，安分地留在原本的位置，沒有說話，也沒有走開。
所以如你此刻感到孤獨，
或許只是你一直未察覺，你從來都不是一個人。
以香為語，安在當下。
𝘽𝙚 𝙋𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙩, 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙪𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙨𝙘𝙚𝙣𝙩.
Someone is already there.
Some nights the loneliness arrives without warning.
Chinese cedarwood is not a cedar. Its proper name is the Chinese weeping cypress, Cupressus funebris, and funebris in Latin means of funerals. The timber resists damp and insects and carries a scent of its own, so for centuries people in southern China built with it and made things from it. They also planted it in front of temples, and beside graves.
A tree planted in those places has agreed to something. It has agreed to be there at the moments when people have nothing left to say. It cannot comfort anyone. It only stands nearby.
The scent keeps the same manners. Old wood, the smell of a cupboard that has been shut a long time, a thread of smoke underneath, then a faint sweetness at the end. It is quiet enough that you have to slow down before you notice it has been there all along.
We remember the ones who speak up. The ones who say nothing take far longer to count. Think back over the past few years: the person who stayed beside you through the worst of it may well be the one who never made much of it, and never left.
On a lonely night, what we are looking for is not always someone who understands us. Often it is just proof that someone is there.
So if you are feeling lonely right now, perhaps you simply have not noticed yet. You have never been on your own.
Grounded in the present, spoken through scent.
𝘽𝙚 𝙋𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙩, 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙪𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙨𝙘𝙚𝙣𝙩.